Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
