I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
