So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
