38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
