you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
