I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
