how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
