so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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