the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
