I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
