just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
