i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
