We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
