I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
