I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
