Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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