I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize