I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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