Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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