ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
