Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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