YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
