Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
