Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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