Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
