You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize