i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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