DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
