please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Randomize
