like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
