I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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