Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
