Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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