Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
