I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
