I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
