So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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