And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
