Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
