Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
