We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Randomize
