I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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