my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
