i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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