we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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