On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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