he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
me + whiskey = a bad person
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize