We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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