I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
