Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
