I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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