Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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