I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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