I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize