her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
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