i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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