There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
