saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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