OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
