so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
