No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
