Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
