gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
