So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My dick has a subreddit
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
