He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
