I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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