you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
