At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
