sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
