Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
