I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
