I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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